Personal Empowerment, Developing human potential, Fostering interpersonal relationships

Personal Empowerment

Developing human potential and fostering interpersonal relationships

How Long Do Marriages Last?

Why do marriage thrive under adverse conditions and why do other marriages dissolve when conditions actually improve? This is a perplexing question as if anything you would expect the opposite.

So let’s look at what does and does not make a true relationship.

We all have need for security in a marriage. Often people equate security with wealth, status, reputation, education, health, age and so forth. However, even a cursory examination of these factors points to one thing – they are all external to the person.

So if these factors are taken away then by extension we may loose interest in the person. But clearly this is not always the case. There is still a difference whether the person has legitimately earned his wealth and status or not.

In others words these so called external factors can still be a real reflection upon the instrinic value of the person.

The fact that a person may loose his wealth, looks and so forth could be due to factors beyond his control. The person still has intrinsic value and thus is deserving of respect loyalty and of course love. So if a marriage does dissolve under adverse conditions is because it may have been based on external factors rather then any instrinsic bonding. Conversely if a marriage continues then it is more likely based on such instrinsic bonds.

But why do marriages actually dissolve when conditions improve while others thrive when things deteriorate? The instrinsic value of the person may have not changed but what has changed is the appreciation of that value by one’s partner. When things improve one is no longer satisfied with what his or her partner has to offer as there is more to be gained independently. Conversely if things deteriorate then one at last starts to realise that it is his or her partner which ultimately matter.

The issue does not rest on wealth, status, reputation and all those external factors which create the illusion of security. It rests on how one values one’s partner irrespective of any change in circumstances. If a person is a perpetual taker then, if anything, an improvement in circumstances only makes things worse. If a person is a true giver then adversity brings out the best in them. The true test of whether two people can remain happily married is based on mutual giving and mutual appreciation. It is this reciprocity that makes successful marriages so elusive but it is this very same reciprocity which when achieved sustains a marriage under any circumstances.

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