Why Do Marriages Fail (Part 3)
As noted taking turns speaking is crucial to effective communication between partners for dating and marriage. However, for such effective communication to take place the following rules:
Timing:Select the right moment to address your partner. You can either ask directly or look for phyiscal and verbal cues. If your partner is still not available then ask what time is best to communicate later.
Avoid Insults: Often a partner is hurt and believe that the best to deal with it is to their vent anger using insults. However, this merely exacerbates things by invoking defencesness. Look for words to create a problem solving environment by making yourself tolerable to be listened to by your spouse.
Refrain from Value Judgements: It is the human tendency for people to see things from their perspective. If their partner does not measure up to that perspective then somehow they are wrong.
Such value judgements have to be replaced with relative statements that take into consideration the otherís partnerís views. This creates a feeling of trust and calm that makes one more inclinced to being heard.
Do not exaggerate: People often embellish things to ensure that they will be heard. However, as such embellishments are inaccurate they, if anything, make the other partner switch off. Exaggerations which are phrased as threats can become self realising prophecies if the other partner decides to retaliate.
Give a benefit of doubt: When individuals interact with each other there is a tendency to make assumptions. Assumptions are seen as a short cut to avoid lengthy and supposedly superfluous communications. However, given the ambiguities of reality people often subscribe motives and causes to others which simply do not exist. Communications should be geared to uncovering the correct motives and causes instead of creating false ones.
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