Why Do Marriages Fail (Part 8)
Loving relationships are based on positive feelings between partners. Expressing approval of your partner conveys such positive feelings. Approval can be divided into instrinsic approval of your partner as they are or approval of what your partner actually does. Intrinsic approval involves situations constraints such as looks, wealth, education and so forth. When given, such intrinsic approval is more of a reflection of your partnerís circumstances and by its very nature has less significance.
Approval of your partnerís actions, however, is more significant as it directly reflects on how you actually view your partnerís behaviour. Here people make two major mistakes. They often misjudge their partner and such misjudgements tend to be negative. The other mistake is corollary of the first wherby they donít give even partial credit.
People mistakingly believe that only full credit should be given because they expect their partner
to confirm exactly to their standards. This is not withstanding that their standards are often relative and subjective making the concept of peferction very ambigious and by extension very elusive to achieve. The result is that oneís partner, no matter how hard they try, is never given any credit for their actions. They are thus demotivated from even trying at all.
Partial credit not only is more inclined to motivate oneís partner - it is both a more realistic assessment of oneís partner and also of the subjective nature of oneís own perception. To motivate oneís partner and endear oneself to him or her the following guidelines should be used:
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